Dear Body, you suck 🖕🏻

So I’m sitting here in hospital waiting room number 2 of the day. I had my long awaited Rheumatology appointment this morning and he agreed with my GP and gave me a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia. I’m not surprised as I was expecting it but I thought I would be relived that it’s finally been given a name. No more thinking I’m making it up, no more worrying it could be something far worse. This could finally be the end of this chapter.

But I wasn’t prepared mentally for the impact yet another diagnosis would have on me.

In the room the first rheumatologist felt for any swelling, checks for aches and pains. He asked me in detail about my medical history then after umming and ahhing he said he doesn’t think it’s fibromyalgia because I’m not in enough pain. Right ok then. Dick.

He went out to get his colleague for a second opinion. He did the exact same tests but instead of being gentle he was bloody rough!! It felt like I was being beaten up! He obviously knew what he was doing because he said straight away that he was sending me away with the diagnosis. We watch ‘The Good Doctor’ on Netflix and if anyone else does too then you will get when I say he did a Sean Murphy on me! He came in, took control and bosh… diagnosis.I’ve got to have another full blood count, which is something I’m used to so that doesn’t bother me. An X-ray and a CT scan. A whole conversations worth of new information and medical jargon. I feel like I’ve gone back to the beginning again.

This year will be 5 years since my Cancer diagnosis and 4 years in remission. I only have 18 months left on my clinical trial too. I was near the end, my career is starting again and home life is amazing. I finally feel like me again and not a patient. That was until today.

I was given two slips of paper, one for bloods and one for X-Ray. I know you can get bloods done in the walk in without an appointment but X-Ray? I asked him about 4 times because I couldn’t get my head around what he was saying, or retain the information I was just told. I got to the end of the appointment and he asked if I had any questions. I said no. But I did! I had so many but for some reason chose not to ask. I hate feeling vulnerable and like to pretend I’ve got my shit together.

That brings me to where I am now. Haematology ready to be used as a pin cushion again. Not sure I’ve got much left but hey I’ll give it a go.

Next stop is the X-Ray department. Oh joy.

So this is the beginning of a new journey in my life. One that right now I don’t feel strong enough to ride but I don’t have any other choice.

Body. You suck 🖕🏻

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