It’s just gone 9pm and I’m in bed. Not exactly the rock and roll lifestyle. I’m feeling pretty shitty this week so probably won’t be a very positive blog! But that is what I want to achieve from this. Raw, honest accounts of my life without a Thyroid.
I’m lucky if I make it past 9pm these days. It takes us two sittings of watching an episode of a box set as I always fall asleep. The frustrating part is that half the time, I get to bed, exhausted beyond words and can’t sleep. At that moment at 2am when everyone in my house is fast asleep, I’m more awake than I’ve been in days. My body chooses this moment. Not the moment when I need to get up in the morning to do school run, not the moment where my toddler is having a melt down over the wrong colour plate, so I give in just to make life easier. This moment. This lonely, pitch black moment where you would give anything to have half the tiredness you feel in the daytime.
Then there is the constant feeling of just ergh. I can’t explain it. It’s like someone has taken my starter motor out and I’m just ticking over, not quite there. But life has to carry on. There are children to feed, dogs to walk, housework to do. It’s like I’m on auto pilot just going through the motions patiently waiting for bedtime to come around again. Even though I know I might be awake all night.
If that wasn’t hard enough there is my weight. I have put on 2 stone since my operation. Every time I have an appointment with my consultant I watch as they record yet another increase of weight. On my last appointment in January I brought this up with my consultant. I explained that I am getting married in August this year and don’t want to be this big. His reply? As helpful as ever and very much expected, was “Its just one of those things that you have to put up with now” Ok so 2 stone might not sound a lot to some people but to me it’s huge. I watch what I eat, contantly on the go, but I’m still watching it creep up. I’ve been doing some reading lately and my medication is something called T4 but to lose weight my body needs T3. Something that here in the U.K. We don’t get offered. Doctors will even refuse a blood test to test T3. My next appointment is in June so I will raise this issue with him now I’m more aware, but after reading other people’s blogs I’m not holding my breath. But I will do what I’ve always done on this journey and that’s fight. I will be that patient who is always moaning and won’t give up until I get somewhere. That’s the only way you seem to be heard.
Well it’s bank holiday tomorrow and my little family are all at home together without one of us working which is so rare! So I am going to try and enjoy our day together (even though typical for an English bank holiday it’s supposed to rain!)
Thanks for reading